Ravers loved Yahoo!’s memo: “To become the absolute best place to work, communication and collaboration will be important, so we need to be working side-by-side. Some of the best decisions and insights come from hallway and cafeteria discussions, meeting new people, and impromptu team meetings.”   

Who can argue with that? 

Ranters saw Mayer as a throwback, fighting an inevitable shift to remote working for more “work-life balance”, ( that really exists?) increased productivity and concentration, and fewer commuting hours. There was added outrage from working parents and environmentalists who saw this policy as a blow to forward progress.  

Aren’t autonomy and flexibility important to productivity? 

I was struck more by how the policy decision was delivered than by its content. The words “mandate” and “ban” may not have been used, but it sure landed that way. And, I couldn’t help but wonder… what’s going on behind the scenes and did this have to be an either/or choice?

Working virtually is toothpaste out of the tube, no matter where people are working.  Technology enables us to reimagine the categories of home and work in ways that are miraculous and liberating. Telecommuting is efficient, environment and family friendly, and improves concentration. Well, except when you decide to fold laundry while on a conference call.

Yet, a sense of place is as important to the working world as it is to where we were born or where we live. Working face-to-face is fundamental to high performance. Facial expressions and body language are the primary way we understand and influence each another. Technology enhances but does not replace the connection, collaboration and creativity that being together under one roof creates.

Something’s gained and lost either way. But, why frame it as “either/or” and what’s the back story of Mayer’s controversial move?  If I were coaching leaders and teams at Yahoo! (don’t I wish), I’d be asking these questions:

• It sounds like the virtual thing is not working. What specifically is happening or not happening that you need to see change?
• Are you worried that people who work remotely are “hiding” and not fully present? What does that say about  level of engagement? About how people are held accountable?   
• Have you considered the upsides and downsides of losing people who may not want or be able to comply? If an unspoken goal was to get rid of deadwood, is this the best way to do it? 
• Telecommuting or coming to the office. Are these your only two options?  Is there a way you can have both and still get the outcomes you want?  
• You are framing an initiative designed to increase collaboration as a policy that requires “absolutes.” Is this counter-intuitive? Does that build trust?   

Whether Mayer et al reflected on questions like this, I’ll never know.  What I do know is that this was an opportunity to demonstrate the best of what collaboration and community in the workplace can produce. Innovative solutions that have buy-in and therefore don’t require policies that, despite good intentions, include the notion of bans or sweeping mandates.

Last month’s Super Bowl gave the rare glimpse of opposing coaches who also happen to be brothers, John Harbaugh of the Baltimore Ravens and sibling Jim of the San Francisco 49ers.
A disgruntled New England Patriots fan, I amused myself during the game (which I secretly hoped both teams would lose) by observing their wildly contrasting leadership styles. John seems the low key, thoughtful type, while Jim is… well, uhm, not.   As he has demonstrated in the past and again at the Super Bowl (sidebar left), Jim Harbaugh is an undisputed master of the complete executive freak out. Why is it funny? Because it’s TV. It’s grown men playing a game. But, tantrums in the workplace, particularly those thrown by leaders and role models, lose their entertainment value very quickly. Here’s a (slightly) more serious take on leaders behaving badly.

When Leaders Froth at the Mouth

When an executive goes into freak out mode, productivity goes out the window. People stop and gawk. Trying to appease, they do anything and everything -all of it futile – to prevent it from happening again. Or, they become paralyzed with fear.

If tantrums are an executive’s “go to” move, people very quickly disengage. Eyes roll. Shoulders shrug. Trust and respect follow productivity out the same exit as staff suspect desperation and lack of self-control, characteristics no leader can afford.

Worse, when outbursts are tolerated, others may conclude “that’s how we roll here” and that’s when it goes viral. Talk about creating a toxic environment.

If you are a leader prone to tantrums like the unfortunate 49ers coach, ask yourself three questions as you fill your lungs with air: 

1. Will this matter in 20 minutes? Five days from now? In a year? In other words, is it worth the stink? 

2. Check your ego. Is what you’re about to rant about relevant to anyone else in the room or is it all about you?

3. Is this behavior going to produce the outcomes you really want? The answer to this, by the way, is always “no.” (This would be a good place to note that Jim Harbaugh’s team LOST. ) 

If you are a defenseless receiver facing an offensive  onslaught, these plays might turn things around:

1. Don’t reward bad behavior by responding to it. Do not try to bargain or reason with the wild one. Bad behavior in leaders should be ignored.  

2. If it doesn’t stop, walk away. If pursued, walk faster.   

3. When the time is right, find a way to let the ranting raver know the negative impact it has on you, the work and the bottom line.  I’d suggest guidance from HR or co-workers you trust before entering the lair of the beast. 

I wish I knew why some adults behave like children, but that mystery will not be solved by me today. All I know is that in football, hockey or reality shows, it’s funny as all get out to watch. At work, not so much.

Semper Fi*

By way of context, before morphing to coaching and consulting, I was in public relations and marketing management. I started that career as an administrative assistant (read secretary) in the public relations department of a mid-size community hospital. I had been there about a year when the old boss retired. I heard that the new boss was a career military guy, a former major in the U.S. Marines. Was he ever. He walked in on his first day: tall, immaculately groomed, posture impeccable. You could see your reflection in the shine of his shoes.

A 20-something, with more brashness than brains, and a head full of the anti-military sentiment and rabid feminism of the times, I greeted him (on Day 1, mind you) with cautious disdain and told him that although I was a secretary I was not going to fetch his lunch, run errands, or get him coffee. He leaned back in his chair, puffing thoughtfully on his cigar (I didn’t say I liked everything about him) and regarded me for several moments with a neutral expression. “Fair enough.” he said. The next morning, he arrived with a cup of coffee in each hand. He set one on my desk with sides of sugar and cream and said, “I wasn’t sure how you took your coffee.”  My mouth stayed open a long time.
A couple of weeks later, he scheduled a press conference to introduce himself to local media as the new hospital spokesperson. There was no need for me to be there, but he casually invited me to attend.  Fifteen minutes before the end of the meeting, he glanced at his watch and announced that he had another meeting to get to. Alarmed, I saw him nodding at me as he said, “Janice will wrap this up. I trust her, so whenever I’m unavailable to comment or meet a deadline, please consider her my second in command.” I somehow managed (again) to get my jaw off the floor and into gear as he slipped out the side door.
By behaving graciously (continuing to bring me coffee every day), he taught me about taming my ego. By not firing me on that dreadful Day 1 (which, he told me a decade later, he had seriously considered ) and instead choosing to give me projects  beyond the scope of my pay grade, he taught me to believe in myself.  By holding me accountable for ownership of those projects, he taught me how to empower and engage people. By letting it be okay when I screwed up as I inevitably did on occasion, he taught me how to be fearless about failure. All without ever articulating those lessons or words aloud. Just by showing up as a leader every day.

Two years later, as I headed off to my own press conference as newly appointed director of public relations at a larger hospital, he wished me well, promised to remain a resource and did. The further down the road I get from those early years of my professional life, the more I appreciate the gift of mentoring and how it works. I hope someone someday will see me as I see him, in the rear view mirror, as a very fortunate encounter with a trusted guide.

In memory of Clifford “Cliff ” O.T. Wieden, Jr. (1933-2012)

*”Honor, courage and commitment are the values that guide us. Semper fidelis (always faithful) is the motto that bonds us.” ~ the United States Marine Corps

The King’s Speech ~now, that’s leadership coaching!
I was, as the Brits would say, gob-smacked by The King’s Speech, the Oscar-winning film about Great Britain’s Duke of York and his struggle to overcome a debilitating stammer on his long journey toward the throne as the future King George VI of England.

I loved the movie, not only because it is brilliant in every way, but also because the film, as well known as it is now, has saved me from having to offer long explanations of what executive or leadership coaching is. Instead, when people ask, I say: “Did you see The King’s Speech?” Heads nod and I say: “The speech therapy guy? That’s coaching. That’s how it works.”

Hope you enjoy this article and if you haven’t seen the movie yet, treat yourself royally and do. 

A powerful story of a leader with a big challenge and his speech therapist, The King’s Speech abounds with parallels between that relationship and how leadership coaching happens in business today. The film is about how King George VI (aka Bertie) claims his seat and finds his voice with the help of Lionel Logue, who, whether he knew it or not, was perhaps the world’s first executive coach.

Both hilarious and poignant, the extraordinary sessions between Logue and the King show two basic kinds of coaching: developmental and transformational.

Ø  In developmental coaching, the client is learning new techniques, building and strengthening underused skills.  Bertie flexes his vocal and physical muscles as he and Logue work. They breathe, roll on the floor, practice tongue twisters, shout, and swear, shifting energy and shaking off self-consciousness and physical tightness.

Ø  In transformational coaching, clients learn to adjust their natural styles for greater impact. Changing habits and behaviors often exposes raw nerves. The higher the stakes, the tougher the demands on the leader and the more a coach challenges, the greater the likelihood for tension. And it is in those moments of tension where transformational learning begins.

In one of the film’s most excruciating scenes, Logue, having touched one of those nerves, is berated by Bertie and summarily dismissed. At that point, rubber has met road.  From that moment on, the King begins to really commit and when he returns to Logue with an apology, he has accepted accountability and is ready to do the real work that is required of every coaching client.

The emphasis on the relationship between this unlikely pair artfully underscores that chemistry, safety and trust are the critical success factors for coaching. Who can a leader really talk to about the deepest concerns and most troublesome issues? What moves us is the genuine affection that Bertie and Lionel have for each other by the end of the film.  A great coach creates an environment that makes room for feelings as well as facts.

Is it any surprise then that my coaching hero is not among the world-renowned executive coaches giving keynote speeches and publishing best-sellers?  Nope. It’s Lionel Logue who stands in integrity, sets boundaries, and models just the right mix of challenge and support.  He is the essence of everything I aspire to be as a coach (albeit for a somewhat lower profile clientele than members of British royalty): he is passionate, confident, knowledgeable, wise, funny, and absolutely fearless.

Whether leadership titles are inherited or earned, those who want to show up as leaders need to claim their own seats with comfort and find their own voices with confidence. Sometimes they just need a little help. It was a pleasure to watch The King’s Speech, a film that reminded me of what a privilege it is to be trusted with this kind of work.

You want the truth? The truth is this: people who pride themselves on perfectionism fear that they are just the opposite ~ flawed, inadequate and not good enough. The perceived risk that, at any moment, our incompetency will be revealed to the world in humiliating fashion keeps us stuck in an obsessive loop of details, preventing us from seeing the bigger picture.

When we find ourselves leaving the land of the merely conscientious and venturing out to Planet Perfecto, these strategies help return my clients (and me) to sanity.

• Perfectionists believe they’ll be viewed as successful if they prove they can do it all when -again – quite the opposite is true. Just because you can do it all does not mean you should. Try a little trust.
• Procrastination: a sign of perfectionism gone mad. We are so afraid of failing, we cannot begin. Break the job down into manageable, doable parts. Be happy with small successes.
• The neighborhood of our own heads is dangerous, so avoid wandering around in there too long. Designate down time every day. Reach out to others for reality checks. Have some fun. (Not too much fun. What would people think?)

• When you make a mistake, berate yourself by all means. You’ll feel better. But put a 5-minute time limit on it. Then, start thinking about what mistakes can teach you.
• Do you ever find yourself engaged in this kind of delusional thinking?
  • If I miss the deadline on this report, I’ll never be promoted
  • If my direct report screws up, I’ll be fired
  • If every word of this e-newletter is not exactly right, my readers will think I’m lazy and stupid.

Are these just terrible stories you are telling yourself? If so, then tell yourself a better story.

Finally, your definition of “good” is often someone else’s idea of “great”. If you are a perfectionist, guaranteed you are your own worst critic. Trust me.

There is a point at which “good enough” is good enough. And, sometimes, this is as good as it gets. And that’s just fine.

#1 Promotes Strategic Thought and Action (Proactive, Not Reactive)

• More systematic information gathering about internal/external environments
• Increases attention to organizational learning
• Clarifies future direction
• Establishes priorities for action decisions

#2 Improves Decision-Making

• Focuses attention on what’s important
• Helps make today’s decisions with tomorrow in mind
• Coordinates decisions across levels and functions

# 3 Enhances Flexibility and Adaptability

•  To respond wisely to internal and external demands
• To deal effectively with rapidly changing environments

#4 Improves Performance

• Board, management and staff can better fulfill roles, meet responsibilities
• Teamwork and expertise will be strengthened
• Empowerment will abound!

Strategic planning can do all those things, but there is no guarantee that it will.

• Success will depend on how we tailor the process to your needs.
• The process works only if key decision-makers support it and use it with common sense.
• Participants will get out of strategic planning exactly what they put into it, like most things in life.

The role of facilitator is not the same as the role of the meeting leader. And, it is not possible to simultaneously lead a meeting and facilitate it.

The main reasons to bring in a facilitator are:

• A facilitator brings objectivity and a fresh pair of eyes and ears
• The facilitator has no horse in the race or attachment to outcomes
• A facilitator has a very specific set of process design and group dynamics skills
• And the skills to build consensus and help a group resolve conflict
• Having a facilitator allows the leader to be a participant
• Hiring a facilitator allows all participants the opportunity to leave rank at the door so that all voices can be heard

What is the role of a facilitator for group processes?

• Suggests agendas and processes: gets consensus on agenda and group process throughout the session
• Does not participate in discussion or decision-making process
• Starts and ends meetings and segments on time
• Evaluates meeting process and progress
• Keeps discussion on task and contains digression
• Listens and asks for clarification
• Summarizes, helps the group close discussion and decide issues
• Tests for consensus on decisions and/or action items
• Facilitates conflict resolution
• Encourages equal participation
• Plays devil’s advocate, questions assumptions
• Focuses on feelings as well as facts

When I think of unforgettable speakers, I think about those that have made me want to follow them anywhere. The client I did the presentation skills workshop for said that something during our conversations really resonated. What I told him was that, in my view, few things demonstrate executive presence as much as the ability to articulate a message with confidence, passion, and conviction. And, more importantly, the ability to connect with the audience, whether it’s the Parent Teacher Organization or a company’s entire staff of 1500, is what characterizes that speaker as a leader.

Here is what I observe in people I consider to be truly great speakers regardless of subject matter.

1. Wise speakers respect the audience’s own history.

They find out as much as they can about where the audience has been, what past experiences have taught them. Are they bonded (or separated) in some way? What are their relevant memories? Most importantly, what do they already know? Skilled presenters do not enter the room assuming they know more about the subject matter than their audience.

2. Fearless speakers tap into the “here and now”.

The presenter who watches and listens at the same time he or she is being seen and heard keeps the audience right there in the room. Everything that happens in the moment is relevant. Talented presenters know that every nod, chuckle, drooping eyelid or surreptitious texting is a cue, sending them information. Meeting the audience where they are validates their presence in the room. At the same time, it validates the speaker’s presence with them.

3. Inspirational speakers connect audiences with their dreams.

Being curious about the audience’s collective wants, needs and wishes allows a very powerful individual connection at the same time. What people value is highly personal and unique. Whether it’s a check-in upfront about expectations of the presentation itself or asking them to envision themselves in some future state related to the topic, the speaker connects with what the audience cares about.

I can testify that the fear of public speaking does go away when I remember that although my name may be featured on the program, it’s not about me at all.

Death and taxes? I’m afraid those are here to stay.